The One Where Phoebe and Joey Switch Bodies
by littleblackcurlyhair
Summary: After a heated disagreement between Phoebe and Joey, Phoebe encounters an strange old friend of hers, who uses voodoo magic to unknowingly helps them see eye to eye, in the strangest way possible.. Bad summary. An idea for an AU fic I had that is so strange that I just had to write it. Loosely based on Freaky Friday. Please R&R!
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Well, this was just a random, out-of-the-blue idea I had for a fic, and as strange as it is, the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to write it. I think that the idea has a lot of comedic potential for later on (already have a ton of ideas) so, it might be interesting and funny, or it might be a complete failure, so I'm unsure if I should write more of this. Idk, you tell me! Reviews/feedback, are greatly appreciated. This takes place while Rachel is still living with Phoebe, and Joey and Chandler are still living together. And one more thing: My intention was originally, for this to be just a story of Joey and Phoebe's friendship. Knowing me, and my love for Phoey, I'll probably be tempted to tie them together romantically somehow, eventually. xD_

Phoebe enters Central Park, after spending hours getting ready for her big date tonight. This was where she agreed to meet Aiden, but she still had some time to kill. She's somewhat nervous, and is hoping that a hot beverage, in her usual hang out place will help her feel at ease. She's unsurprised to find Joey there, as it's his usual hang out place, as well. with a newspaper in one hand, chocolate chip cookie in the other, he glances up, making a double take as she walks in. He shoots her an approving half-smile, at her black, flared-skirted dress, and elegant up-do, which took her much longer than necessary to create. She takes her best friend's reaction as a sign the time she spent has paid off.

"Damn, Pheebs..From the corner of my eye, I thought you were some hot chick I've never met before. I was about to hit on you." he tells her, with a flirtatious wink.

She rolls her eyes, as she takes a seat next to him on the orange sofa. "Well..sorry to disappoint you. It's just me."

"That was actually meant to be a compliment.." he explains.

"I know." she informs him. "It just wasn't a very good one."

"Well, how's this?" setting down his newspaper, he looks her up and down, with a familiar, irresistible grin. "Hey, Pheebs..How YOU doin'?"

Phoebe makes an attempt to turn her face away from him, before an uncontrollable smirk passes over her lips, and her face reddens, just a little. He may have been her best friend, but he sure knew how to make a girl blush.

"Ok, well, that's better." she admits, and his grin widens slightly with confidence.

"So..what are you so glammed up for tonight, anyways? Got a hot date?"

"Yes, actually." she tells him. "With my boyfriend."

Joey furrows his brow. "You have a boyfriend?" he questions.

Phoebe gives a small irritable sigh, as it frustrates her when her friends don't pay attention to the happenings of her life. Joey, however, being naturally less observant than the average person, is somewhat forgivable. "Yes, I have a boyfriend! Aiden! The lawyer!" she sharply reminds him.

Joey nods. "Ohhh...right. _That_ guy." he mutters, with a hint of disdain in his voice, before he takes a sip of his coffee.

"What do you mean 'that' guy?"

"Nothin'." Joey replies, before he stuffs the rest of his cookie into his mouth, in what seems to be an attempt to end the conversation.

Unwilling to let his comment go, Phoebe stares at her best friend. "No, no..what do you mean, Joey? You don't like Aiden?"

"Eh...he's ok, Pheebs, I guess. It's just..." he gives a shrug. "I dunno..you don't think he seems like a bit of a show-off? You know, with all his money, and his Lamborghini, and summer house in the Dominican Republic he's always braggin' about, and his perfect hair and Armani suits he's always wearing.."

"No. He's not showing off, or bragging, Joey. He just happens to have a lot of money. He's a lawyer!"

He gives a small snort and eye-roll. "Right. Y'know...sometimes I wish I was a girl..I could just date some rich ass guy and have it made. Never have to worry about money again."

Phoebe pauses to give him an odd look. "Oh, Hi, Chandler! When did you start looking so much like Joey?"

Joey shoots her a glare. "Well, it's true! It's so easy for guys like 'Aiden'" again, there's a tinge of mockery in his voice as he speaks his name. "To get chicks to fall head over heels for him, when he's got all this money to shower them with gifts and drive them around in his Lambo..."

Phoebe's mouth drops open, becoming offended by his bitter assumption. "You know what, Joseph Francis!? If you're suggesting that I'm just some gold-digger who's only into him for his money, then, you are SO wrong! He happens to be incredibly romantic, and sweet. He treats me like I'm his queen. And then in the bedroom, well..that's a different story. Plus, we have so much in common! Like, he's a vegetarian, and he also plays the guitar, and he's fluent in 6 different languages, and he has incredible eyes, and a nice smile.." She finds herself staring off dreamily, as she lustfully thinks about her new love interest, and momentarily forgets the point she was attempting to make. "Ooh! Ooh! And! He promised he'd take me to his house in the Dominican this summer! But even if he didn't, I'd still like him!"

Joey shakes his head, unconvinced. "Look, Pheebs, I'm not saying you're a gold-digger, but this guy seems totally fake, if you ask me. I mean, he's got you so snowed over, it's not even funny."

Again, her jaw drops. "Nuh-uh!"

"Oh, yes, he does." Joey nods. "Hook, line and sinker. Trust me, Pheebs, I'm know how these things work, ok? I'm a guy. I mean..not that I have a whole lot of trouble getting girls, with my looks, and my charm...but if had as much money as this guy does, I could make a girl believe just about anything. I'd probably have about six of 'em on the go, and none of them would find out, so long as I keep throwing money at them, and telling them how beautiful they are.." he pauses, notices the expression on her face and places his hand on her shoulder. "Look, Pheebs, I'm just telling you these things, because I don't wanna see you get hurt."

"Ok, that is the most ridiculous load of bullcrap I've ever heard, first of all!" Phoebe furiously states. "Secondly, you don't know Aiden at all! He is SO not the kind of guy who would have six girls on the go! Not ALL men are pigs, like you!"

"Hey, woah!" he retorts, becoming just as offended. "There's no need for the name calling, I'm just telling you what I know to be true, alright? But, look on the bright side: You're a girl. You've got a rack..nice one, if I do say so, myself..and if you play your cards right, you can probably get him to do just about anything to keep you around. This is what I mean when I say you girls don't know how lucky you are. You've got it easy."

Normally, Joey's slightly inappropriate comments about her body only gave her a boost to her ego, but everything else he said was over the line, even for him. She could hardly believe what she was hearing.

"Oh, please! Cause it's so hard being you, isn't it?" She waves her hands, in a mocking gesture, slightly deepening her voice as she speaks. "'Oh, look at me, I'm Joey Tribbiani! I've can get away with objectifying women, like a big pervert, and nobody can say anything cause I have a penis!'"

"Ok, I don't sound anything like that, first of all!" Joey snaps at her.

"So what? It's true!" Phoebe heatedly shoots back. "You're a young, good-looking, white, American male, who's...who's never once suffered any kind of oppression, or discrimination, or...or been asked to flash your breasts to a strange man for a dollar while playing your guitar, trying to make an honest living, on the streets, at age 15!"

"Hey! Listen-" Joey starts his rebuttal and stops, suddenly, raising his eyebrows. "Well, no...I guess I can't say that's ever happened...but don't start talking that feminism crap with me, alright? You women don't have to worry about anything as long as they find a man who makes a decent living! They also don't ever have to pay for dinner on a date, or open their own doors.."

"Oh, gee! Yeah, no I can see how that's about the same as, oh, I don't know, being denied the right to vote, or own property!"

Joey gives yet another snort, shaking his head. "Chicks don't like to vote, anyways.."

"Oh, that is it!" Phoebe abruptly, and angrily rises to her feet. "I'm not going to sit here and listen to this from you, any longer! You don't know the first thing about what like being a women in today's society, and if you ask me, you couldn't handle it! Chandler, on the other hand...maybe. But you? Forget it!"

"Pfff..Oh, like it's that hard." Joey mutters, indifferently.

"You know what? I'm going to wait for my date outside! Good-bye!"

"Fine by me!" Joey replies, with annoyance.

As Phoebe is making a point of angrily storming away from their heated discussion, irritated with Joey's inability to see things from her point of view, an African-American woman, wearing a colourful head-wrap enters the coffee shop, studying Phoebe as she attempts to brush past her to the door. Phoebe is too angry with Joey to notice her at first.

"Phoebe Buffay? Is that really you?"

Phoebe stops before she reaches the door, and turns around, taking in the woman's familiar face for the first time. "Yeah, uh-huh?"

The woman flashes her a warm smile. "My goodness, I haven't seen you in ages! You look fantastic!"

Phoebe smiles, modestly. "Well..yes, thank you. But, uhm...I'm sorry, do I know you?"

"You don't remember me? I used to come into the aroma therapy shop where you worked.."

"Oh! Ooh! Miss Tabatha! I remember, now! Oh my God, Hi! How have you been?"

"Oh, very well, child! Thank you!" Miss Tabatha chuckles, and gives Phoebe a welcoming embrace. It wasn't very often that Phoebe ran into people she knew from her street days, any more. Miss Tabatha, who was a psychic, and also dabbled into voodoo spells from time to time, was a frequent visitor of the shop where Phoebe got her first job, and became introduced to aroma therapy. She came in so often that she also became one of Phoebe's first friends, since the death of her albino roommate. Phoebe notices Joey is still watching her with curiosity, from the sofa.

"Uhm, I'd introduce you to my friend, Joey, but...we're not exactly friends, right now." Phoebe mutters, out of politeness to Miss Tabatha, who gives her a chuckle and a nod.

"Yes..I can actually see the tension in the room between you two. It must have been some disagreement.." Phoebe's old friend says under her breath to her. None the less she still offers Joey a friendly smile and nod. "Hello."

"Hey." he answers, with a small, awkward wave, before he turns his attention back to his coffee and newspaper.

Miss Tabatha turns back to Phoebe. "So, I understand you have a date tonight with somebody you like very much."

Phoebe's eyes light up, with admiration. "Oh, wow! You're good! Did your sixth sense tell you that?"

"No, I could just tell from the way you're dressed." Miss Tabatha explains.

"Ohh.." Phoebe nodds, glancing down at her new dress. "Yeah, I went a little overboard. I really do like this guy, a lot..hey, by the way, are you still doing the whole, y'know, voodoo stuff?"

"Oh, goodness, no." Miss Tabatha tells her. "I'm a stockbroker, these days."

"Oh! Well..money is money, right?" Phoebe tells her, surprised by her answer.

"Indeed, it is." she presents Phoebe with a business card. "Here's my card, it has my number. I can see that you're eager to meet with your man, but, we must catch up sometime, soon."

"Yes, definitely! I'm sure you have a lot of stories to tell me." Phoebe agrees. "Well, hey, it was great seeing you again, and I hope it won't be the last time."

Miss Tabatha smiles. "Oh, I have a feeling it won't."

Phoebe is about to walk out the door, when she's stricken with a sudden thought, and stops. She turns around "Hey, uhm..Miss Tabatha, could I ask you something?"

"Of course, dear." she replies.

Phoebe lowers her voice. She doesn't want Joey to overhear what she's about to ask, considering their recent blow-out over the same subject. "Well, it's about...this guy who I'm seeing. I really like him a lot, and, uhm, I was sort of wondering, do you, uhm..do you see us, y'know..going anywhere with our relationship? You know, in you're mind's eye or, whatever.."

Miss Tabitha pauses, reading her face in silence for a moment. Phoebe suddenly regrets asking her. What if Joey was right? She can't bare to know the truth at this time. "You know what? Forget it...I don't wanna know that. But, uh, is...is there anything that you can recommend that might you know, improve my chances, with this guy? To make it last, or whatever? You know, like a spell, or potion?"

"Oh, I told you, my child, I don't do that stuff any more." Miss Tabitha responds, with a wave of her hand.

"Oh, but you don't understand.." Phoebe interrupts. "This guy has a yacht. And a Lamborghini. Not that that's the only reason I like him!" she enunciates that last part of her sentence, loud enough for Joey to hear from where he sits, still ignoring her.

Miss Tabatha looks at Phoebe, studying her with consideration. "I have something that may help you." she says, in a hushed voice, and gently pulls her aside. She reaches into her purse and takes out a small silk pouch. From the pouch, she dumps two peculiar polished stones into her hand. One red, one blue, and both vibrant in their colour, with strange markings carved onto their flat surfaces. "Hold out your hand." she instructs.

Phoebe does so, waiting anxiously to hold the beautiful, mystifying stones, but Miss Tabatha holds them back with hesitation. "You must understand, these are very powerful stones. So if you use them, you must be sure that your intentions are true, and that this is what your heart truly wants."

"What are they?" Phoebe asks, as staring at them as she drops the stones into her palm.

"I call them 'passion stones'. They have the power to draw two souls together in perfect harmony."

Phoebe looks up at her with a grin. "I like the sounds of that! How do they work?"

"Well..you must keep one with you. And when you are ready, you give the other one to your soul-mate to keep with them. You will know when the timing is right. For now, keep them some place safe."

"Wow!" she says, still admiring the stones. She places them inside of her bra and looks to Miss Tabatha, apologetically. "No pockets." she explains with a shrug.

"That's fine. Just be sure to use them wisely. Good luck."

Phoebe gives her smirk of gratitude. "Thank you."

Miss Tabatha walks towards the front til to make an order, leaving Phoebe near the door. She glances at Joey, who doesn't seem to be paying attention to her anymore, still feeling annoyed with him. 'I'll show him, now that I have these stones..' she thinks to herself. She's never been a skeptic of magic, before, and she trusted Miss Tabatha's powers with all her heart. A minute or two passes while she's standing by the door, and Joey gets up from his seat. Phoebe crosses her arms over her chest, and makes a point not to look at him as he comes closer to her.

"Hey, uh...that friend of yours," he asks. "did I hear you say that she does voodoo or something?"

Phoebe doesn't want to acknowledge him, but she decides to answer. "Yes. Why do you care?"

He shrugs. "I dunno...just wondering if she maybe had a spell or something that could get me a date tonight, since I got nothing else planned."

"As if you need one." Phoebe huffily responds, with annoyance. Before he can respond, the two are interrupted by the presence of a handsome, well-dressed man, with piercing blue eyes, and an impossibly perfect smile, which he uses to greet Phoebe with.

"Well, hello there, Miss America. I'm looking for my lovely girlfriend, have you seen her anywhere?"

Phoebe beams at his comment, despite seeing Joey roll his eyes at it, in the corner of her eye. "Hi, Aiden!"

He takes her hand, pulls her towards him and plants a peck on her lips. "You look beautiful. Hey, Joey."

"Hey, Aiden.." Joey mutters in a tone, similar to the one he and Ross use to use to mock Rachel's ex, Paulo, which causes Phoebe to shoot him a disapproving glare.

Aiden doesn't seem to notice, as he locks his fingers with her, flashing her a gorgeous smile. "Well, we'd better get going. I've got reservations for us at the Aquavit for 7pm. We don't want to be late."

Phoebe's eyes widen. "The Aquavit in Madison Park? My God! Don't you have to book reservations like, 15 years in advance to get into that place?"

"Well, not when you're a big tipper." Aiden replies.

Her mouth curls into an excited grin as she stares, lustfully into his baby-blue eyes. "Oh, wow..you are just too good to be true. I could just eat you up! But I won't, cause, y'know...vegetarian."

"Me too." he says, reminding her of how flawless he is. "But, I'm sure you'll be able think of a way to thank me, later." he winks, raising her hand to his lips. Behind her, Phoebe hears Joey give a snort, and resists the urge to turn around and slug her best friend in the arm for his rudeness.

"You alright, Joey?" Aiden obliviously asks him.

"Oh, yeah...just, uh...I have a sneeze that won't come out. Better go snort some pepper, or something! Uh..you two kids have fun. See ya, Pheebs."

Phoebe refuses to turn around and address him.

"Alright then, see you later. You ready, sweetheart?" he asks Phoebe.

Her smile quickly returns for him. "Uh-huh." she says, as he guides her out the door to his Lamborghini.

...

Joey watches Phoebe leave with Aiden, feeling a small sense of guilt. He didn't mean to make her so angry with him, he was only trying to warn her of what he suspected the guy might be up to. He really hated to see his best friend get hurt, especially by guys.

On the other hand, the fact that she had a "perfect" date tonight made him envious. It was unusual for him not to have one, on a Friday night. And particularly inconvenient, because Chandler and Monica had requested the apartment to themselves tonight. Joey sighs. 'Chandler is getting laid tonight, and I'm not..' he thinks to himself, beginning to feel especially pathetic. He looks around, scanning the coffee shop. Normally, if he's lucky, there would be a cute girl or two that he could try to pick up. However, something unexpected catches his eye, instead.

On the floor is what looks like a bright, ruby-red stone. Curiously, he picks it up to get a better look. For a moment, he's inexplicably mesmerized by it's appearance as he studies the strange symbol carved onto it. He runs his thumb over it's smooth surface a few times. He blinks rapidly for a second or two, coming out of his hypnotic-like daze. It looks like something that would belong to Phoebe, who he knew owned several small healing crystals. She must have dropped it on her way out the door.

He quickly exits the store, hoping to catch her, but she's no where in sight. Nor is Aiden's Lamborghini, meaning they've left already. Joey looks down at the stone again and shrugs.

"Guess I'll give it to her, later." he says to himself. He drops it into his coat pocket. The moment he feels the weight of it, as it lands inside his pocket, he notices someone walk out of Central Perk. It's the African woman who was talking to Phoebe. For some reason, she looks at Joey, and her eyes lock into his for a few seconds, giving him an unsettling feeling. She gives him, what seems like a knowing smirk before she turns away. Joey puts his hand in his pocket, feeling the smooth stone, once again. "That was weird.." he mutters, before he turns around and goes back inside...


	2. Chapter 2

Somewhere in between the French wine she was drinking, the beautifully written song, with her name in the lyrics, preformed by Aiden on his guitar, by the fire place in the lounge of his sky-scraper apartment, and their current, hot, passionate make-out session on the sofa, Phoebe decided that she was in love with him. Beyond the point of lust. She may have only known him a few weeks, but it was apparent that he was perfect, in every way. He slowly pulls back from their tender kiss, his fingertips still gently resting on her jaw-line, and smirks. His ice blue eyes catch and hold her gaze long enough to cause her heart to flutter.

"More wine?"

"Mm-hm." She answers, unable to bring herself to say much else. She's too busy admiring his handsome features, until her picks up the wine bottle and refills their glasses. She eagerly moves in closer, as he rests an arm around her shoulders.

"I wish you didn't have to leave, tomorrow.." she tells him.

"I do, too." He agrees, and plants a kiss on her temple. "But after this trip, if all goes smoothly, this case should be done and over with. And then you'll have me all to yourself. At least I hope so, I believe our anniversary is coming up next week."

"Our what?" Phoebe raises her head, suddenly alarmed, because she's unsure what he's talking about.

"Our one-month anniversary, next weekend? Don't tell me you don't remember."

"Oh! Oh, my God, you're right! I knew it was coming up, soon. I just didn't think that _you_ remembered. "

He flashes her a dazzling smile. "Of course I do. I still think about the day I met you, almost every day…I was running late for a meeting, and I needed some coffee.." Aiden reminisces. "I heard you singing a song.."

"Uh-huh. 'Dead Possum in An Alley', if I remember, right." Phoebe tells him. "Yeah, That's one of my darker songs from my street days.."

"I thought it was fantastic." Aiden tells her. "So poetic, and abstract..like all of your songs. It's incredible. You're like Van Gogh, with a guitar."

Phoebe beams, grinning widely "Wow…Ok, if you're trying to make me want you, right now, it's totally working. Although I don't think anyone ever threw a croissant at Van Gogh and told him to shut up. ."

Aiden gives a small laugh before continuing his story. "So then, I went to talk to you after your set, and asked what model your guitar was, or something dumb like that.. I just wanted an excuse to talk to you, to be honest."

"Well, it did the trick.." she says. "I mean, any guy that knows guitars is like, an instant 10, in my books. And since you're already a 10, that makes you a 20! But, I still don't believe you've never had a lesson."

"It's the truth!" he insists, pretending to be offended. "I just have a good ear for music."

"Well..duh." Phoebe tells him as she reaches over and affectionately plays with a lock of his brown, wavy mane of hair. . "I mean, you like my music. You also play great, yourself. I mean, you should have been there when I tried to teach Joey guitar. Ugh! I could have throttled that guy…"

She looks down, and sips her wine, becoming mildly annoyed with Joey, all over again. She had nearly forgotten about their little argument this evening up until now. Aiden looks at her, with concern.

"Hey, uhm…look, don't take this the wrong way, but…what's his deal, anyways? I mean, is he ok?"

Phoebe looks up. " Joey? Well, yeah, he's all there, like, mentally, if that's what you mean...at least, we think so."

"No, no," Aiden pauses, to correct himself. "I just meant…well, I sort of get the feeling he doesn't like me, or something."

"Oh." Phoebe nods, unsure of what to tell him. "Well..he just doesn't know you that well. He can be a little over-protective, sometimes. But you just have to distract him with food or something, and then he's happy. He's kind of like a big puppy dog." She tells him, and he laughs.

"Seriously, though..I think it would be better for both of you, if you got to know him, better. I mean…he's a good guy, he means well. Besides..even though sometimes I get mad at him, he means a lot to me, and I'd really like it if you guys could be friends, too."

Aiden falls silent a moment as he considers her request. Finally, he nods. "Yeah, sure, why not? I could give it a shot."

Phoebe grins. She leans over and plants an appreciative kiss on her boyfriend's lips. "Perfect. That makes me happy. Now I won't have to stab you, like my last boyfriend."

Aiden responds with a hearty laugh. She laughs along.

"Oh, you think I'm kidding, but I'm not.."

Aiden leans closer to her, placing a hand on her cheek, and presses his lips to hers. "You're crazy." He tells her before he kisses her again. "And beautiful. And I love it."

Her own lips part into a compulsive smirk, while still on his. 'How did I get so damn lucky to be with him?' she wonders. Once again, Aiden pulls back from their kiss, with an irresistible, purposeful grin. This time, he rises to his feet, and offers his hand to her.

"Shall we?"

Phoebe eagerly takes his hand, fully aware of what he's implying, and is not about to say no to joining him in his master bedroom. However, as she rises to her feet, she's overcome with an unexpected dizziness. Aiden's dreamy smile is replaced with a worried expression, when she teeters, slightly.

"Are you ok?"

"Uhm…yeah." Phoebe assures him. "Just, uh…A little too much wine, maybe." Her heart begins pounding rapidly. Something is burning against her chest. _The stones_… she suddenly remembers them. Were they the cause of this strange, unsettling feeling? No sooner than when she places her hand inside the top of her dress, and touches one of the stones, does Phoebe feel and electric-like jolt, and her legs give out, beyond her control. She feels herself beginning to fall.

"Phoebe!" she hears Aiden's panicked voice. Feels him catch her from hitting the ground as everything fades to black.

…

Not long after Joey had pocketed the mysterious red stone from the floor of Central Perk, had his evening taken a turn for the better. A soap opera fan recognized him, on his way out the door. A tall, very attractive blonde, who fortunately for Joey, was already very fond of his character. He invited her out for a drink, where they conversed about the show for some time, but it wasn't long before Joey was invited to her apartment, and from there, things went about as well as could be expected, for Joey Tribbiani. However, he was on his way home, now, after she informed him that her roommate would be home soon, and didn't like guests. Joey of course, didn't think the two incidents had any relation, until much later, when he finally returned to his apartment.

It was late. He assumed Chandler and Monica's "date" would be over with. As nice as it was that their secret affair was no longer made to be a secret, those two still hadn't settled in together. Chandler was supposed to be leaving to live with Monica at the end of this month, while Rachel was in the process of moving to Phoebe's.

None the less, Joey tried to remain inconspicuous, as he entered the apartment; his eyes squeezed shut, just in case. "Not looking, not looking.." he mutters to himself as he steps further into the room. He hears nothing. Chandler must have gone to bed, already.

Feeling ravenous, as he often did after sex, Joey opens the fridge to find a plate of left-over Parmesan Chicken, made by Monica. For Chandler, no doubt, but since Chandler was moving out soon anyways, and because Joey was hungry, he decides he doesn't care who it belongs to, and takes the plate out, along with a bottle of beer. He places the dish in the microwave to heat up and opens his beer, taking a long drink. After he sets the bottle down, he suddenly feels different. Tired. Not unusual, for him, except that he's so tired, he doesn't even have the desire to eat his food, anymore. He'd rather just lay down, and pass out. And in fact, he just might, considering how dizzy he is, all of sudden.

Joey places his hand on the counter top to steady himself. "What the hell is going on?" he mutters to himself. Without thinking about it, he places a hand in his jacket pocket, forgetting about the weird stone, until an unexpected surge of electricity-like energy shoots through his body. He twitches, violently, without warning, and the next thing he knows, he's going down, dropping to the linoleum floor, in total blackness

…

Phoebe was in a complete daze for several seconds as she slowly came to her senses. She hears a far-away voice, like she was hearing it from under water, or something. It took her a moment to realize that it was Chandler's, instead of Aiden's. He was shaking her. Why was he shaking her?

"Joey!? Can you hear me? Joe! Come on, buddy! Answer me! Joey! JOEY!"

'Is he talking to me, or Joey? What the hell?' she wonders as it dawned on her that she was in their apartment, lying on the kitchen floor to be exact, which became apparent when she opened her eyes, and saw Chandler's blurred figure, crouched down over top of her. He continues to shake her, and slaps her face, a litter harder than necessary. Blinking a few times to regain her vision, she reaches up and grabs his wrist to stop him and slowly pulls herself upright. She rubs her eyes and looks around the room in utter confusion.

"Wh…what happened, Chandler?"

"I don't know!" Chandler replies, sounding somewhat panicked. He's still kneeling down next to her. "I just heard a 'thud' and I came out and you were lying on the floor! I'm guessing either you fell and hit your head, or you had a sudden urge to smack the floor, with your face…which somehow wouldn't surprise me!"

"What?" she says, "But…how did I get _here_?"

Chandler pauses, considering her question a moment and places a hand on her shoulder. "Well..I think maybe that's a question that your mother could answer, better than I could…"

"No, I mean _here_! In this apartment! Where's Aiden?" she asks. She carefully rises to her feet, feeling a little uncoordinated, and dizzy. Her legs are tingling with a strange numbness. She takes a few unstable steps before she decides she'd be better off to sit, and takes a seat on one of the bar stools.

As Chandler, too, rises to his feet he looks at her with a puzzled expression. "You mean Phoebe's Aiden?"

"Yes, _my_ Aiden! I just saw him and then I..fell, and I don't remember what happened.."

"Dude," Chandler says, " How hard did you hit your head? Seriously, are you alright? Maybe we should take you to a hospital. Are you feeling concussed at all?"

Phoebe raises her hand to her forehead, rubbing the sore spot she must have landed on. "Don't call me 'dude'.." she mutters. She pauses, as the sound of her voice suddenly strikes her as odd. Deep, and masculine. Very unlike her own.

"What is wrong with my voice?" she wonders out loud. She moves her hand to her throat and clears it, in an attempt to correct the sound. It doesn't seem to have much effect. "Maybe I'm getting sick again. Do you guy have any cough drops or anything?"

"Yeah, in the medicine cabinet. Right next to the head injury pills, which you should consider taking…" Chandler mutters, scratching his head, uncomfortably. He seems genuinely worried about her.

She goes into the bathroom, closing the door behind her, and opens the cabinet behind the mirror, finding the box of cough drops, which she hopes will somehow make her throat feel better. Although it doesn't particularly hurt at the moment, she knows she must be getting sick. Not only for her voice to sound warped and obscure, but all the weird feelings she's been experiencing since she woke up here. She's reading the label on the box, trying to decide whether or not the cough drops will help her, and simultaneously closes the cabinet door. When she glances up from the label for a brief moment she catches a glimpse of the reflection in the mirror. Not her own face, but Joey's. She lets out a startled gasp, stumbling backwards a step and throwing the box up in the air. To her confusion, and horror, Joey does the exact same thing in perfect unison with her. Staring at him in the mirror, her mind races. This has to be some kind of joke. Has he put a window, where the mirror should be? It seems possible, for Joey.. Cautiously, and slowly, she approaches the mirror and reaches out to touch it. She watches in utter shock, as Joey's hand reaches towards her. She touches the glass, pulling her hand back in an instant, like she's just touched something very hot. She holds both hands in front of her staring at them, without recognition. 'This aren't my hands..' she thinks.

"Oh my God…Oh my God!" She places her hand to her face…Joey's face, lightly pulling the skin, to validate that it's real, and that it is in fact, hers. She then releases a loud, horrified scream which sounds much more not unlike her own voice, than it does Joey's.

…

Chandler is pacing outside the bathroom door, feeling confused, and concerned about Joey's sudden strange change in behavior, since his apparent accident. His head jerks towards the direction of the door when he hears the rather feminine shrieking of his roommate from inside. He immediately tries to open the door, only to find it locked.

"Joey!?" he calls. He stands back, examining the door for a moment. "I could _try _to break it down, but by the time I succeed, we might _both_ be dead..." he mutters before he resorts to pounding on the outside of the door. "Joey! What's going on, man!? Open the door!"

He's relieved, as their front door opens, to see Phoebe walk in. At least now, he doesn't have to deal with Joey on his own. Maybe_ she_ could convince him that he needed medical attention for his alleged head injury.

" Hey.." she says, casually.

"Pheebs! Oh, thank God, you're here! Listen, I really think there is something wrong with Joey.."

Her hand flies up in the air to silence him. "Dude…I can't handle your weird jokes right now, alright? I just had _the _worst night ever.." To Chandler's astonishment, she walks past him and to the refrigerator and helps herself to a beer. Chandler watches, speechlessly, as she walks towards Joey's barcalounger. She takes a long gulp from her bottle of beer, ungracefully wipes her mouth on the back of her hand, and lets out a quite unlady-like burp before slouching down into the recliner. She pivots the chair around to address Chandler.

"I'm telling you, man…I am never drinking again." Phoebe pauses, glancing at the beer in her hand. "After I finish this beer, that is. Seriously…" she touches her hand to her head with a small groan of exhaustion and agony. "I ended up having waaay too much to drink, last night…I don't even remember what happened. I don't think I _wanna_ remember what happened." She shakes her head. "In fact, I don't even really wanna talk about it…"

With that, Phoebe turns her chair, lifting the tv remote and pointing it at the tv to turn it on. "Oh, hey..did you record the new episode of Bay Watch?"

"No, actually…" Chandler replies, becoming increasingly concerned. "I didn't realize this was _your _ apartment, Pheebs. But, please! Make yourself at home! I'm sure Joey won't mind having a female roommate…"

She looks at him, whilst taking another drink of her beer and raises an eyebrow. "Are we switching names with the girls, now? Ok…_Rachel_." She says, and shakes her head. "I swear, I don't get your jokes half the time, man. You need to work on some new material."

Chandler opens his mouth to reply sarcastically, while also insulting her intelligence, but stops himself. 'Why would I do something like that to Phoebe? I usually only make fun of Joey like that..' he wonders.

"Ok…this is getting too, weird!" he exclaims, out of frustration.

Phoebe turns around again to look at him once again. "Huh?"

Ignoring his statement, she rises to her feet and pushes past him towards the bathroom door. "Get outta the way, dude. I gotta take a whiz like you wouldn't believe.."

She frowns, noticing the door is shut. "Hey, is there someone here?"

The door suddenly opens, and Joey, having finished his girlish screaming, finally steps out. Chandler watches both of his friends eyes double in size at the sight of each other, as though they're both looking at a ghost, rather than someone they've known for several years. Stumbling back in fear, Joey lets out another high-pitch scream, at the top of his lungs, while Phoebe suddenly points to him and joins in on the screaming.


	3. Chapter 3

Chandler stood back, a safe distance from his two friends. He was holding a couch cushion out in front of him, which he had grabbed in his panicked state, when the loud commotion began, mindlessly thinking that some how, he could use it for protection. He was now realizing that the fluffy cushion was not the most effective line of defense in this situation, but he couldn't bring himself to put it down. He waits, overcome by confusion over what the hell has gotten into the two of them, and why they are both acting so unlike themselves.

Phoebe is pointing at Joey, her hand trembling, eyes expanded in horror, for a reason that Chandler still did not understand.

"You! You...what the….who the…why do you look like…" she suddenly turns to Chandler. "Chandler, you let this guy in here!?"

Chandler stares blankly at her. "Uhm….I'm sorry? Was I not supposed to? I could go and kick Monica out of her home if it'll make you happy!"

"Who is he!?" Phoebe demands. "Why does he look so much like me!?"

Growing even more baffled, Chandler looks from Phoebe to Joey, and back again. "You know, I…really don't see it. "

Joey's paranoid expression drops. His eyes narrow, tilting his head in confusion as he studies Phoebe.

"Wait a second….Joey? W-Why do you look like me!?"

"What do you mean!? I'm Joey! I look like Joey!" Phoebe answers. "I'm the real Joey! You…you're an imposter! The FAKE Joey! Chandler, shoot him!"

"Oh my God.." Joey sighs, rubbing his forehead. "Are you serious? Go look in the mirror!" he commands.

Hesitantly, Phoebe slowly steps backwards towards the bathroom door, which she opens. After she steps inside, Chandler waits, staring at Joey and waiting for some form of an explanation. He soon gets one when Phoebe comes back out of the bathroom, in a state of shock.

"Oh my GOD! I'm….I'm….." she raises her hand, rapidly gesturing from herself to Joey. "And…and YOU!...What!? WHAT!?" she presses her palms to the side of her head, as if whatever she's trying to understand is just too much to fathom.

"I know!" Joey cries out. "Don't you get it!? I'm Phoebe! And you're me! I mean…you're Joey!"

"Woah, woah WOAH!" Chandler interrupts, dramatically waving his hands. "Am I the only one who's completely lost here?"

"No.." Phoebe mutters. She sits down in the recliner, her head still resting in her hands. Chandler has to admit that her gestures do seem rather "Joey-like". He knew his roommate better than almost anyone.

"Ok, see, Joey and I have seemed to switch bodies, somehow within the last 24 hours." Joey explains to him, with a shrug as if this were as common as getting their orders mixed up at a restaurant. The only person whom Chandler can think of that would be as remotely bothered by this "situation", is Phoebe.

"Ok…so let me get this straight…" Chandler begins. He gestures, first to Joey "_You're _Phoebe. And _you're_ Joey?"

They both nod. Still, Chandler cannot even begin to wrap his head around what he's just been told. Unless they were just messing with him. Of course… what other explanation could there be? Feeling foolish, Chandler smiles.

"Alright guys…you got me." He lets out a laugh. "Long ways to go for joke, but it is a good one, I must admit."

Chandler continues laughing until he realizes that he's laughing alone, and both of his friends look on in confusion.

"Chandler…we're not kidding." Phoebe tells him.

"Oh, come on…guys, enough is enough. I like a good joke as much as the next person, but the idea is to make someone laugh, not give them a migraine! I mean, come on! What you're proposing, isn't possible! It only happens in movies!"

"Chandler.." Joey begins. "do you really think that 'Joey' could come with a scheme this elaborate just for a joke?"

"Ahh!" Chandler points to his roommate and nervously takes a few steps back. "Joey said 'elaborate'. In perfect context! Something is definitely not right here! Wait a minute … wait a minute!"

Chandler continues walking backwards until he reaches the kitchen, with a plan in mind, that may determine whether or not they're telling the truth. He stands on one side of the bar and motions for them to come closer with his hand. "Both of you, come here."

On the counter, is a box which contains the remnants of a pizza he and Joey ordered for lunch, several hours ago. Of course, that wouldn't matter to Joey.

"Alright.." Chandler begins. He addresses his roommate. " 'Phoebe'…if that is in fact your real name.."

Chandler opens the lid of the box. There's 3 slices of pizza left. "I just thought I'd let you know, that I was going to take these slices of meat-lovers pizza, with ham, salami, pepperoni, bacon, extra cheese…and throw them in the trash. That is unless, you'd like a slice?"

To his amazement, Joey makes a face of disgust. "Ew! No! Do you know how many animals were needlessly murdered, just so that you could eat that? I hope you come back as a pig, in your next life!"

Rendered speechless by Joey's reaction, Chandler turns to Phoebe, who is already halfway through one of the slices.

"Dude! I can't believe you were gonna throw away perfectly good pizza!" she mumbles, speaking with her mouth full.

"Hey!" Joey cries out, and smacks the slice out of her hand. "Don't put meat in my body!"

Chandler staggers back in horror, his hands gripping his hair as it suddenly hit him. Joke or not, Joey Tribbiani would never turn down a slice of pizza. And Phoebe Buffay, with the exception of the few months of her pregnancy with the triplets, when her cravings became unbearable, would starve before she would eat meat. They weren't joking around, after all. This was serious, that much he understood. But how was this possible? The question itself, threw Chandler into a state of panic.

"Oh my GOD! OH MY GOD!" he cries out. "This…this is real! How is this real!?"

"Dude, we told you!" 'Joey' tells him.

"But….but…but HOW!?" he demands. "Explain to me the 'how'!"

Joey reaches for another slice of pizza and shrugs. "I dunno…probably Phoebe and all her witchcraft or whatever."

"Ok, first of all.." Phoebe begins. "I'm not a witch! Secondly, I didn't have anything to do with this! Believe me, I'm just as stumped as you are! All I know is that a few minutes ago, I was about to make love to my boyfriend, and then, I passed out, and I woke up here."

Joey takes a moment to glare at Chandler, for giggling at what Phoebe just said. Even at a time like this he can't help but find humor in hearing Phoebe's distinctive speech pattern, and mannerisms, coming from Joey's body. He clears his throat.

"So, what about you….Joe?" he says, trying to get used to calling them by their actual names. "I mean, what do you remember happening before you woke up as Phoebe?"

Joey shrugs as he takes a moment to recall. "Well..I remember going out for drinks with this really hot girl. And I could have sworn that I came here afterwards, but, uhm…" he pauses, and clears his throat uncomfortably. He takes a deep breath. "Look…I didn't really wanna talk about it, but…I remember waking up in this really nice apartment, and I thought that it belonged to the girl I was with, but, I mean…I don't know how wasted I was last night, but she was no where to be seen. Instead, there was this guy there. Well…Aiden, actually."

'Phoebe's' face (which is actually Joey's face), lights up, with sudden interest.

"Ooh! Did he say anything? He's not mad at me, or anything, is he?"

Again, Joey appears uneasy. He reaches for the back of his neck, forgetting about Phoebe's long hair, and strokes it, instead. "Well, I dunno how to break this to ya, Pheebs, but, uh….I think your boyfriend is gay."

Phoebe frowns. "What!? No he's not!"

"Oh yeah? Then why did he try to kiss me!?"

Phoebe rolls her eyes. "Because he thought you were me! Duh!"

Joey ponders a moment and nods, as though it suddenly makes sense. "Oh..huh. Maybe I shouldn't have hit him, then…"

"You_ hit_ my boyfriend!?" Phoebe angrily demands, towering over Joey in a much more intimidating manner than what would be possible if she had her own body. He holds out his hands in defense.

"Look, I kinda panicked! I didn't wanna kiss him! It was with an umbrella. The soft end. He was only on the ground for, like, 10 seconds, tops. I dunno…I kinda ran out of there, afterwards."

"What!?" Phoebe shrieks. "Oh God! I better phone him and apologize! No wait…I can't, because I sound like you! Ugh! YOU are going to phone him and apologize!" she orders Joey, shoving her finger in his face.

"Woah, hold up!" Chandler interrupts again. "So, let me get this straight, Joey… you came all the way over here from Phoebe's boyfriend's place…and it never once occurred to you that you were in a woman's body? You didn't notice that you were wearing a dress!? Or that you have breasts?"

Joey looks down, looking horrified at first. "Oh God, you're right…" He places his hands on Phoebe's breasts and gives a rather 'Joey-like' smirk of amusement, before Phoebe slaps one of his hands away.

"Hey, don't touch those! They're not yours!"

"They are now! Man, I've always wondered what it would be like to be able to just look down and see boobs!"

Chandler sighs. "Great.." he mutters to Phoebe. "He's never going to look up, again. We'll have to get him a seeing-eye dog to avoid walking into traffic, or lamp poles.."

"I think I'm gonna go look at myself naked." Joey announces, walking towards the bathroom. Phoebe catches him by the wrist to stop him, shooting him an icy glare.

"Well, I'm gonna have to shower some time!" he points out.

Phoebe rolls her eyes. "Well, you better not touch anything!"

"I can't make any guarantees, sweetie." Joey says, giving her a wink.

"Urgh!...I'd hit you, but I don't wanna hurt myself!" Phoebe exclaims. "Look, this is ridiculous! We need to figure out how to get back into our own bodies!"

"How, when you don't even know how you got out of them?" Chandler asks. "I mean…is there anything specific that either of you remember doing last night? Anything out of the ordinary?"

At first, both of them shake their heads.

"No.." Phoebe says. "But this does kinda remind me of the time when that old lady died and her soul entered my body…Ooh! Ooh! Maybe we both died!"

"Well, I don't remember dying.." Joey ponders. "You know what, though? I do remember coming here last night. I remember I started feeling really weird, and then there was this sort of weird shock all of a sudden. Like the time I stuck a paper clip in the electric socket, when I was in 10th grade.."

"_10__th__ grade_?" Chandler repeats, in disbelief, and shakes his head.

"Oh my God…I remember that, too. I felt the same thing last night! The shock. I remember I felt it right when I touched the…" she pauses, her eyes widening. " That's it! The stones!"

"What stones?" Joey questions.

"The ones Miss Tabatha, the voodoo lady gave me! I put them in my dress, here…"

Without warning, Phoebe puts her hand down "her" dress, causing Joey to react with surprise.

"Hey, watch it!"

She gives a snort. "Now you know how it feels to be sexually harassed by a guy!"

Joey gives an indifferent shrug. "Actually, that wasn't so bad."

Unable to resist the opportunity, Chandler inconspicuously reaches over and pinches "Phoebe's" bottom. He jumps a few feet away from him as Chandler laughs.

"Dude! Come on!" Joey says, clearly offended.

"Guys, enough playing around." Phoebe says. "We have a problem.."

She opens her hand to show them a single blue stone. "I lost one of them. Where's the red one?"

"Oh, _those_.." Joey says. "I found one of them in Central Perk, after you left with Aiden. I was gonna give it back to you."

"You have it!?" Phoebe asks hopefully. "What did you do with it! We need them both or they won't work!"

"Check my jacket pocket." Joey tells her.

She reaches into Joey's coat pocket and pulls out the red stone. She lets out a sigh of relief. Looking over her shoulder, Chandler stares at the stone. There is something oddly memorizing about them. Almost like they're glowing.

"Do you even know how they work?" he asks Phoebe.

"Well, yeah…kinda." She says. "Miss Tabatha says that they're supposed to help you find your soul-mate. Obviously, that's a load of crap, though. I mean, she didn't say anything about them switching people's bodies!"

"So call her and ask how to change us back!" Joey tells her. "I mean, as much as I like your body, Pheebs, I kinda want mine, back."

"Hang on, I have her business card.." Phoebe picks up Chandler and Joey's phone and takes the card from her purse. After a moment, she hangs up, and lets out a sigh. "I got her machines. She's out of the office until Monday. She must be on holidays."

"Monday!?" Joey repeats. "So, I'm stuck being a chick until Monday!?"

"Hey, I think it'll be good for you!" Phoebe tells him. "Since you seem to think you have this great understanding of women, it wouldn't kill you to walk in our shoes for a while."

"Not as easy as it looks...trust me." Chandler says, shaking his head, as he recalls his own experiences of trying on women's shoes, at his father's insistence. He takes note of the odd looks he's getting for his comment. "Oh, _you're_ giving me dirty looks right now?" he says to Joey.

Joey lets out a groan. "Great…you know, I have an audition, tomorrow, what am I supposed to do about that?"

"Well, I'll go to it, as you." Phoebe explains.

"Wait, so does this mean that you two are going to be living each others lives until Monday?" Chandler inquires. "Like, working each others jobs and living in each others apartments and everything?"

Phoebe shrugs. "I guess…I mean, I can't really afford to take time off from work…"

Joey suddenly looks up, eyes wide with fear. "What about Aiden?"

"Oh, don't worry. He's on a business trip until next week."

Joey gives a sigh. "Thank God.."

"I mean, who knows...maybe we can figure out how to switch back on our own, but in the mean time, Chandler..nobody can know about this, alright? Not Monica, or Ross, or anybody!" Phoebe tells him.

His jaw drops open in protest to the idea of being sworn to secrecy over something as exciting as this. "Oh, come on! You know how the others are with secrets! Don't you think they'll find out about this, eventually?"

"Chandler!" Joey says. "I didn't tell anybody about you and Monica, when you started dating, and that drove me nuts! You can keep quiet about this! Besides, if you tell anyone, they're just gonna think you're crazy!"

"I hate to say it, because I'm pretty open-minded, but he's right." Phoebe agrees.

Chandler looks from one friend to the next before he lets out a defeated sigh. "Fine.." he mutters, unhappily.

"So," he says. "Looks like you're going to be my new roomie, for a while, Pheebs."

It's still strange for him to address 'Joey' as 'Pheebs', but he reasons it will get easier with time.

"Yeah, I guess I'll have to go stay at your place with Rachel." Joey says. "Where do you live again?"

"I'll take you there." Phoebe volunteers. "I wanna get my guitar and stuff, anyways. You're still not allowed to touch it."

"Why not? These are your hands, aren't they?" Joey argues, as the two of them head out the door.

Leaving Chandler to worry about how difficult it's going to be not to let it slip out to the others. He was, after all, able to keep his and Monica's secret affair secret, for quite some time. However, keeping something like this from Monica, was going to be even more difficult.

…

"I'll meet you downstairs." Joey tells Phoebe in the hallway. "I better go check my mail before I go."

Phoebe closes the apartment door behind them, and starts to follow him, when the door across the hall opens, and Rachel steps out from Monica's apartment.

"Oh, hey, Joey."

Assuming she isn't talking to her, Phoebe keeps walking until she feels a hand on her shoulder.

"Joey?"

Phoebe turns around, remember that she is in fact, addressing her, and becomes nervous about the fact that she's going to have to make Rachel believe that she's Joey, without raising any suspicion.

"Oh, right. That's me!" Phoebe says. "Uhm...how you..doing?" It comes out as more of an awkward question, than the flirty, overly-confident way that Joey usually says it to women. Rachel, thankfully doesn't seem to notice.

"I'm good, I'm just hanging out with Mon. So are we still on for the party on Friday night?"

Phoebe pauses, trying to chose her answer, carefully as she has no idea what she's talking about.

"….Yes." she says, after a few seconds.

"Great! I've got this new dress and all, you know, I've never been to a premiere party, this is going to be so much fun!" Rachel says beaming with excitement

"Wait, what?" Phoebe clears her throat. "Uhm…tell me again, aboutthis 'premiere party', which…clearly I already know about, but forgot, because…because..well, I'm Joey. I forget things. "

Rachel gives him a strange look. "Sweetie, are you feeling ok? You're acting a little..odd."

"Yeah, fine." Phoebe answers, quickly.

Rachel gives a shrug, seeming to accept this answer. "Well..it's the premiere of that movie you were in a few months ago, remember? You played the hospital patient or something? You had 3 lines! Well..not that it matters, what matters is they invited you, and you said you'd take me!" Rachel grins.

"What!? No I didn't!" Phoebe cries, feeling immediately offended. "Why would I ask you to go and not Phoebe!?"

Rachel gives her a puzzled expression. "Well..because you said Phoebe was probably busy with her boyfriend that night."

"That's ridiculous! He didn't…" Phoebe stops to correct herself. "_ I _didn't even ask me! Her."

Rachel raises her shoulders. "Well…would you rather go with her? I mean, you _did_ ask me already, but…" She pauses, and gives a small groan and lightly stomps her foot. "But I really wanna gooo! Bruce Willis is in this movie!"

Phoebe rolls her eyes. Joey may easily fall victim to Rachel's spoiled demanding act, but Phoebe would have none of it. "Really? You think whining at me is going to work, Rachel Green? I don't think so."

"Come, onnn, Joey!" Rachel pleads, folding her hands in front of her face. "I mean, couldn't you take both of us? I already have the dress, and the shoes, and I really, really, _really_ wanna go!"

Phoebe sighs, looking at her, with consideration. If she took "Phoebe" along, she'd technically be taking Joey, who she was currently annoyed with for not even considering her as a date, before Rachel. However, it wasn't Rachel's fault, and as Phoebe, she wanted to make her friend happy.

"Fine." She finally gives in. "I'll take you both…"

"Oh, thank you, thank you Joey!" Rachel says.

"But I'll have you know," Phoebe says, raising her finger. "That normally, Phoebe would be my first choice, because I like her a little bit better than you."

She sees the hurt look on Rachel's face and reconsiders her words.

"Just a little, _tiny_ bit better, but, y'know…she is pretty awesome. See ya later."

She proceeds downstairs to take Joey to her place, and also figure out from him, why he decided to ask Rachel and not her to the party.


	4. Chapter 4

_**A/N: Someone asked why Rachel is living with Phoebe and Chandler is living with Joey, when that didn't happen on the show and I have no explanation other than I made it up, because I thought it would be more interesting. They are both in process of moving out/in with each other during this story. That being said, Thanks to everyone reading this story. This chapter is somewhat pointless, building up to what I hope will be more interesting chapters, but hopefully it's still worth the read. Please tell me what you think, and I'll try to update, ASAP :)**_

Joey didn't bring much with him, since living Phoebe's life for a week, would mean using her things, and her clothes. He seldom visits Phoebe's apartment, but has already begun to make himself at home. He finds his way to the kitchen, and predictably, opens the fridge to scope out the food.

"Bleuch…God, Pheebs, why do you have so many vegetables and crap? Where's all the real food?"

Opening a jar on the counter of some of Phoebe's famous oatmeal raisin cookies that she baked a few days ago, he greedily helps himself to as many as he can manage to grab.

"Would you stop eating so much? You're gonna make me fat, at this rate! My metabolism doesn't work like yours." Phoebe snaps at him. Since the drive over to her place, she's been unusually quiet, and withdrawn, as though she's upset about something. She hasn't said more than two words to him up until now.

Joey shrugs, his mouth full as he speaks. "You just think that, because you're a woman, but it's all in your head. You could use a few pounds, Pheebs. You're skinny."

"Oh." She replies, quite offended. "I see. I'm too 'skinny'. Is that why you invited Rachel to the première party instead of me?"

Joey's brow furrows in confusion, as he re-opens the fridge to look for something to wash down the cookies.

"Huh?...oh, _that…_Look, Pheebs, it's nothing personal…it's just I…didn't think you'd be into it. Besides..you've got a boyfriend."

Her jaw drops at his response. "Since when has that ever mattered!?"

"Look, I just thought you'd most likely say no, alright?" Joey responds.

"No, you didn't think, Joey. You _assumed_. And you assumed wrong. How do you know I would have said no, when you didn't even ask me in the first place!?"

Joey pauses to take a drink from a carton that he finds in the fridge, which he believes to be milk only to subsequently spit it out, after finding it very much unlike any milk he's ever tasted.

"God..what is this crap!?" He looks at the label. "Almond milk!? How is that even a thing!? Ugh! Chicks are disgusting.."

Phoebe impatiently grabs the carton from his hand. "Answer the question!"

Joey crosses his arms and lets out another sigh, bracing himself for the angry rant that's about to come out, regarding Aiden.

"Look, to be fair, Phoebe, you've been blowing me off a lot since you met this Aiden guy, alright? Not just me..all of us! You even blew off dinner, for Chandler's promotion last weekend, for Aiden. I mean, if this guy is so great, then why can't you just include him in our plans instead of bailing on your friends to be with him instead of us?"

"Joey, that was one time!" she retorts, appalled by his accusation. "Besides, I can't keep track of every small accomplishment in Chandler's life. I don't need to celebrate every time he gets a new tie, or pays the cable bill, or gets promoted to…whatever he does!"

Before he has a chance to argue with her any further, Joey hears a sound, coming from Phoebe's purse, which he's forgotten about, hanging off of his shoulder. He digs through finding her cell phone, and hands it to her, upon reading the name "Aiden" on the caller ID.

"It's for you."

She backs away. "_I_ can't talk to him! He won't know my voice! You answer it! You better tell him you're sorry for what you did, too!"

With an exasperated eye –roll, Joey flips open her cell phone. He clears his throat, attempting to hide any hint of masculinity in his voice, and sound like Phoebe, as best he could, before he answers.

"Yeah?"

Phoebe shoots him a warning glare before she lowers her head closer to his, to hear what's being said on the phone.

"Hey, baby-doll!" the male voice on the other end replies, much to Joey's discomfort. "I, uh..I just wanted to call and check on you before I leave for my trip. You seemed a little…out of it, last night after your little fall, and then, I didn't hear anything from you. Did I do something wrong?"

"Oh. Uhm…yeah, about that, I…uh…was just going through a thing. You know…a..a girl thing. Menopause."

There's a short pause from Aiden's end. Joey feels Phoebe smack him in the shoulder.

"No!" she hisses.

"..What was that?" Aiden asks, sounding confused.

"No! Uh…I meant…the _other _girl thing. Y'know…men..struation?" the word comes out as a question, as he looks to Phoebe, hoping he got it right. "So…it was just cramps, and hormones, and tampons and stuff, taking control. I'm…I'm really, very sorry for the way I acted. "

"Ah, no biggie. I couldn't stay mad at you, if I tried. Listen, baby, I gotta go, I'm running late to the airport. I just wanted to call and make sure we were ok. Are we ok?"

"Oh…yeah, man. We're cool." Joey replies, before reconsidering his 'dude-like' answer. "I mean…as long as you're not hurt too bad, then, I'm happy."

There's a chuckle from the other end of the phone. "No worries, babe. I'm tough enough to take a hit once in a while. So, I guess I'll see you when I get back. I'll miss you, so much, sweetheart. I'll be thinking about you, and how I'm going to spoil the hell out of you for our big anniversary when I get back, so keep that in mind. I hope you're ready."

"Alright.." Joey mutters, making face of disgust, once again, while Phoebe's smile widens, upon hearing this.

"I gotta go, baby-doll. If you need anything, don't hesitate to call, alright? I'll send you some money so you can pick yourself out something nice to wear when I get back. Something sexy." Joey covers the receiver to make a mocking gagging sound, while Phoebe smacks his arm again.

"Yeah…I, uh…can't wait, for..that." He says, reluctantly into the phone.

"Me neither. I'll talk to you soon, babe. I love you."

"Yeah, whatever.." Joey hangs up, abruptly and turns to his friend. "My _God_!" He groans, relieved the conversation is over. "How can you put up with that?"

He's not surprised when her phone beeps again, only seconds later with a text for Phoebe, from Aiden.

_"I miss you already. XXXXO"_

"Ugh.." Joey mutters handing the phone to Phoebe.

"Awwwh…" she gushes. "God, isn't he just an angel?" she immediately texts him back, whilst wearing a giddy smile that makes 'Joey' resemble that of a lustful 16 year old girl.

Her infatuation with this guy is really starting to bother him, especially now that he's found himself much more involved with their relationship, than he cares to be.

"Nah. To me, he just seems like he's trying way too hard, Pheebs. Like maybe he's got something to hide."

Phoebe looks up from her phone, the excitement melting from 'her' features. She sighs. "Ugh. Really? This again? Joey, what do you have against Aiden? Seriously…y'know I think it's some sort of alpha-male, dominance thing. You're used to being the best-looking guy in the room."

Joey shuts the fridge door, his ego slightly bruised by his best friend's comment. "You think he's better looking than me? Cause I'm lookin' at myself right now, and I look pretty devilishly handsome, if I do say so myself! Though it is a little bit strange looking at myself through someone else's eyes.."

"See, and I have a twin sister, so this isn't strange for me, at all.." Phoebe replies. "Look, we've got more important things to worry about right now than Aiden, anyways. You have to go to my job at the parlor tomorrow. Are you gonna be able to handle it?"

Joey gives a shrug, a smirk appearing on his lips. "Rubbing oil on hot naked chicks? I'm pretty sure I can handle it, Pheebs."

Phoebe gives him a snort. "They're not all chicks, believe me. Just don't do anything to get me fired, ok? I really need that job."

A moment later, Rachel enters the apartment, a stack of packed boxes in her arms.

"Pheebs, I'm home." She calls out. "I've got some more of my stuff, hope you don't mind. Oh, hey Joey."

She walks into the kitchen, setting her stuff down. Again, it takes Phoebe a few seconds longer than necessary to respond as 'Joey'.

"Hey. I was…just telling_ Phoebe_, that she's also invited to the premiere party. Because I'm such a thoughtful friend." She looks at Joey with emphasis as she says this. "In fact, maybe I'll invite Monica, too."

"What? No!" 'Joey' interjects. "I mean…well, technically, I…you're only allowed to bring one guest. I mean…they probably won't notice one extra person, though."

"Well…I'm so happy that I chose you, Pheebs." She tells him.

"Yeah, this is gonna be great. Pheebs, you and I should go dress shopping this afternoon, if you don't have anything to wear. I can help you pick something out."

'Phoebe's' expression momentarily transform into Joey's, with a sly half-smile. "Sure, Rach. You know what else we should buy? Bras. And panties. Maybe some lingerie. We can even help each other try them on!"

Rachel gives an awkward laugh, assuming that 'Phoebe' is messing with her. She turns to 'Joey' in confusion.

"Joey…she just made an inappropriate comment, and you didn't even say anything."

Phoebe shrugs. "Why would I? That would be disrespectful, and demeaning, and that's not what I'm about… "

Rachel frowns. "Ok..Joey, sweetie, you've got me worried. Are you ok?"

"Yes, I'm fine. Are _you_ ok, Rachel?" Phoebe answers.

Joey clears his throat, suddenly, to divert the awkward tension from Phoebe before Rachel becomes suspicious.

"Well, before we go, I think I need to shower…._naked_." he adds, as he looks back at Phoebe, winking on his way to the bathroom, while Rachel's back is turned. Phoebe glowers at him in response.

…

Chandler is enjoying a quiet evening at home..or at least that's what he tells himself to avoid feeling pathetic for having little else to do after work.

'No hot date…no raging parties to attend. Just a normal day, waiting for the woman living in my roommate's body to return from my roommate's audition…' he thinks as he watches the evening news in his barcalounger, ignoring the dreaded task of packing boxes to move into his new apartment at the end of the month.

Several minutes later, Phoebe returns with Joey's body. The first thing Chandler notices, as she sits down next to him in Joey's chair, is the many cuts, and scratches on 'Joey's' face.

"My God, what happened? Did someone throw a cactus at you?" Chandler asks.

"Oh be quiet.." she mutters. "Y'know, I've never had to shave my face before, and it's not as easy as it looks."

"What did you use? Freddy Krueger's knives?"

"Y'know, maybe I'll just grow a beard..I've always wondered what that would be like to have one. Joey would probably look good with one, anyhow."

"Like an Italian lumber jack." Chandler agrees. "Anyways, how'd the audition go?"

"Oh! Ooh!" Phoebe exclaims, in an excited, 'Phoebe-like' manner. "I got it! I got the part!"

"No kidding! That's great, Pheebs!"

"Uh-huh, they loved me! Who knew I'd be so good at this, huh? Joey's gonna be so happy, he really wanted this gig."

Shortly afterwards, Joey walks into the apartment, armed with an oversized, half-eaten bar of chocolate, and hunched over, with both arms wrapped around 'Phoebe's' waist. He walks slowly towards his friends.

"Phoebe….what's happening? I can't stop bleeding!...or eating chocolate." He pauses to rip another chunk of the candy off with his teeth. Limping into the living room, he sinks down onto the couch and flops over, curling up into the fetal position on his side and groans. "Am I dying?"

"Awwh, no, sweetie, you're just experiencing your first period. Drink some wine, take some Advil, go to sleep, and you'll be fine.."

"Fine!?" Joey repeats in disbelief. "FINE!? Do you have any idea how much this hurts!?"

Phoebe pauses. "As a matter of fact, yes, I do."

Joey pulls himself upright, groaning again, as he doubles over. "Why did you have to switch bodies with me during this time of the month!? No one should ever have to feel this kind of pain…"

A small smirk of amusement appears on Phoebe's lips. She turns to Chandler.

"I'd be lying if I said I wasn't enjoying this, just a little bit. The joys of not having a uterus."

Chandler's face lights up, with what seems to him like the greatest idea, ever. "You should let me kick you in crotch, so we can see what hurts more!" he tells Phoebe, who responds with an uninterested expression. "Oh, come _on_! When are we ever going to get this chance again!?"

"Don't get too comfortable in my body.." Joey mutters. He rises to his feet, waddles into the kitchen and takes Chandler's chocolate milk syrup mix from the fridge, along with a beer. He squirts some syrup onto his chocolate bar before taking a huge bite, while his friends look on in disgust. "The sooner I get out of this body, the better! I've twisted my ankle 3 times today in these stupid shoes. And I can't even tell you how many times I almost had to knock some guy out at work today, for trying to look down my shirt, or grope my ass!"

Chandler smirks and turns to Phoebe. "Would you look at that. Our little Joey's growing up to be a young woman, so fast."

"Not as easy as it looks, is it?" Phoebe remarks. "Believe me, if I knew how to get those stupid rocks to change us back, I'd do it."

"Still can't figure that one out, huh?" Chandler asks her.

"We've tried about everything.." Joey replies. "Holding them, smashing them together, swallowing them…well,_ I_ tried swallowing them, Pheebs had to give me the Heimlich maneuver…"

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, Joey, I got us a part in a movie today."

'Phoebe's' face lights up, for the first time since Joey walked through the door. "No way! The new James Bond movie!? You got the role!?"

"Uh-huh." She replies. "You're looking at the new 'Antonio Santana'. You're character even has a name! Plus, 22 lines, Ooh! And! He get's shot by James Bond, thrown out of a helicopter and eaten by a shark!"

"Wow! I thought for sure I was gonna bomb that audition! Too many big words in the script… plus, I don't really have the experience. I just agreed to the audition to make my agent happy."

"Yeah, well..all it takes is a little confidence. Plus, I'm really good, you know."

"Awwh, Phoebe, you're the best! I can't believe I'm going to be in a James Bond movie!" Joey wraps his arms around Phoebe's shoulders, planting a kiss on 'her' cheek before remembering that 'she' is actually himself.

"And I just kissed a guy …ugh, that's pricklier than I would have imagined. You should really shave, Pheebs."

"I tried, ok!?" Phoebe irritably snaps.

Chandler chuckles to himself, shaking his head with amusement. "It's like living with two clueless, pre-pubescent Jr. High schoolers. Do I need to bring out the projection slides?" he stands up and walks to the fridge, to grab himself a beer. As opens the fridge door, he flinches, in pain, as his shoulder seizes up all of a sudden. A result of having to sit, hunched over at a computer desk, for a long period of time.

"Ouch.." he winces, placing his free hand on the burning area.

"You ok, dude?" Joey asks his friend with concern.

"Yeah…just my body reminding me that it hates me, once again.."

"Awh, sweetie, I can fix that." Phoebe offers, walking to the kitchen. Standing behind Chandler, she places her hands on his shoulders, and begins working her expert massage techniques, until the pain begins to melt away from his muscles. "Ooh, yeah, you are pretty tense..How's that feel?"

"Much better.."

Chandler stands their, his eyes closed, absorbing in the pleasant feeling of her healing touch. It doesn't occur to him how awkward this must look to any outsider, until he hears someone clear their throat. Opening his eyes, as Phoebe suddenly stops rubbing his shoulders, Chandler sees both Gellars standing before him: Monica and Ross. Monica, especially does not look impressed. She crosses her arms over her chest.

"No, no, you've got it all wrong! This isn't what it looks like!" Chandler blurts, but quickly realizes that being sworn to secrecy means he has no hope of explaining this in a believable way.

"I don't know about you.." Ross says, leaning towards his sister. "But I've always had a feeling about those two. I knew it'd only be a matter of time…"

"Joey..what are you doing to my boyfriend?" Monica asks, in way that sounds like she's unsure she wants a real answer.

"Uhm…" Phoebe begins, lowering her hands from Chandler's shoulders.

"Well, you see…" The real Joey pipes up, in her defense. "Chandler had a muscle spasm that was really bad, and…I would have helped him myself, but…I have such small girlish hands that…Joey was the only one who could do it."

"Yeah…exactly. It only makes sense." Chandler says, backing him up.

Monica shrugs it off. "Well, as long as you're feeling better, let's get packing some of your boxes. It's really bothering me seeing all of Rachel's stuff missing.."

Chandler gives a small groan. He should have known Monica wouldn't let him put it off any longer.

"Alright…" he reluctantly agrees. "Any of you guys wanna help?" he asks the remaining 3, who all mumble a declined answer, and return to the living room to watch TV.

"Fine." Chandler mutters, as he grabs some of his packed boxes and follows Monica out the door. "See if I invite any of you to the house warming party I'm going to throw.."


	5. Chapter 5

2 days later, Phoebe finds her former apartment, along with her former body, unsurprisingly curled up on the sofa in front of the TV. An half eaten pint of chocolate ice cream, along with about a hundred assorted candy bar wrappers litters the area in front of it. Still not feeling well, apparently, which is understandable for someone who's not used to dealing with the less fortunate functions of the female body. However, upon considering the time of day, she becomes concerned.

"Hey…" Joey mumbles, weakly as he notices the presence of his former self.

"Hey. Why aren't you at work?" she demands.

"Called in sick." Joey answers.

Phoebe takes a seat at the end of the sofa. "Over cramps!? Joey! You don't call in sick over cramps! I hate to break it to you, but a bleeding vagina doesn't exempt you from life!"

"It's not that." He pulls himself to an upright position. "I got sick from eating too much candy."

Phoebe sits next to him on the couch, shaking her head in disapproval, while making a 'tsk-tsk' sound as she surveys the remains of the junk food he's consumed. "Well, then I guess you won't want these gummy bears I picked up for you while grocery shopping." She pulls the jumbo sized bag from her pocket.

"Ughh…" Joey lets out a tired, declining groan upon seeing the bag of candy. Phoebe shrugs it off.

"Ok, then. I could probably find some needy children to give it to, instead."

"_Ugghhhh_!" he groans louder in protest, shaking his head as he snatches the bag from her hand. He flops over onto his side, his head landing in her lap, and rips open the bag, forcing himself to ingest a handful of the colourful candies.

"Just don't throw up on me, ok?" She says, helping herself to a handful as well. "Although, technically, these are your clothes, so.."

"Thanks for bringing these, Pheebs." He replies, whilst stuffing a few more of the addictive sweets in his mouth. "Most guys don't bring candy for girls during their…thing."

"Well, they always seem to help me feel better when I'm..y'know, in 'that' kind of pain. I wouldn't normally eat animals, but look.." she holds one up in front of his face. "These ones are smiling. It's like they know that you're gonna bite their head off, but they're happy about it!"

She drops a couple more of them into Joey's mouth as he looks up at her, smirking. "You know, Pheebs… if you were a real guy, you'd make one hell of a boyfriend."

"Awwh.." Phoebe grins, modestly. "I could say the same thing about you, you know.."

Joey's expression blanks, momentarily before he finally understands the joke, and laughs.

"Hey.." he says, staring off, thoughtfully. "You know, if the two of us were to have sex right now, it would be like having sex with ourselves…weird, huh?"

Phoebe nods, contemplatively, in agreement. It doesn't shock her, however to hear a comment like this coming from Joey. Nor does the flirtatious smile he suddenly shoots her.

"Wanna give it a shot?" he asks.

"Mmn, nah." She decidedly declines. "That would be a little _too_ weird. Even for me. And trust me, I know weird..although I am a little curious to kinda figure out how this equipment works. Ooh! If we can't figure out how to switch back, and get stuck like this forever, ask me again in a few years."

Joey's expression display's concern, on 'Phoebe's' face. "But we are going to get changed back, right? I mean I can't live like this forever! Being a chick sucks!"

"Oh.." Phoebe says in a mocking, tone. "But I thought you said it would be easy. I mean, couldn't you just use your 'nice rack' to attract some man who'll fix all of your problems for you?"

"Forget what I said, alright?" Joey mutters, as he turns to face the tv again, whilst furiously chewing on more gummy bears. Phoebe comes to the decision that sugar isn't going to help him feel better, either physically, or emotionally right now. With some difficulty, she pries the bag of candy from his hands and sets it aside. He lets out a sigh.

"Pheebs…look I'm sorry about saying that stuff, alright? I was wrong. You girls have to put up with a lot of crap. Like, _a lot. _And a lot of men take that for granted, but I totally get it now."

Phoebe's momentarily thrown off by his very sincere statement. She knows that only someone who has literally walked in a woman's shoes, lived as a woman, even for a brief period of time could truthfully admit something like that. Suddenly, she gives a startled jolt as Joey raises himself from her lap for a moment.

"Did you hear me? I SAID I GET IT!"

She sits, frozen in confusion for a second or two. "…Joey, I heard you."

"I wasn't yellin' at you. I was yellin' at God. I thought that maybe that was the key to change us back, you know? Like in the movies, when someone learns there lesson and suddenly, everything goes back to normal."

"Ohh, I see." Phoebe answers. "Oh, Good idea! Did you really expect God to answer you, though?"

"No.." Joey mutters, bitterly. He lays his head back down, while grabbing the bag of gummy bears again. "He never does, the jerk."

"Hey.."

This time Joey is the one who jumps, startled by the third voice in the room, who he must presume to be God, finally answering him. But it's only Rachel. She stops on her way in the house, smiling at the display before her on the couch.

"Awwh…don't you two look cute?"

"Always.." Phoebe replies.

"You guys about ready for the big party tonight?" Rachel asks.

Joey sits up and looks at Phoebe with an expression of horror. "That's _tonight_!?"

"Uh, yeah!" Phoebe says, as though it's very obvious. After all, it is his party.

"You have no idea how excited I am." Rachel continues, as she sits down on the remaining space on the couch with them. "I mean we might actually get to meet Bruce Willis tonight! And, I also heard that Matt Damon might be there."

Phoebe lets out a small gasp of girlish excitement. "No way! God, he is such a hottie…"

She notices the room becoming silent, and Joey's nudging her in the arm as a reminder to watch what she says. She clears her throat and shrugs.

"I mean…y'know, for a guy." she muses, trying to speak in a more masculine tone.

"Huh.." Rachel replies, still not sure what to make of Phoebe's comment. "I mean, I agree..I just..I never would have pegged you for a Matt Damon kinda guy, Joe. Well, anyways. I'm gonna go shower and do my hair and stuff so that I'm all ready when it's time to go."

"Ooh, that reminds me. I better go pick up my suit." Phoebe suddenly remembers, out loud as she rises to her feet. "I guess I'll pick you lovely ladies up around 7." She says, and flashes them both her best 'Joey-ish' flirty smile, and a wink, which earns her an approving nod and the thumbs up from Joey.

"Not bad, Pheebs." He mutters under his breath as soon as Rachel's back is turned. "You're getting better at doin' 'me'."

"Uh-huh. I've been practicing. Listen, you should probably start getting ready, too. Trust me, it always takes girls longer than guys, it's just a general rule, y'know.. See you in a bit."

…

Joey was glad that he decided to take Phoebe's advice on giving himself extra time to get ready. Especially after all of his failed attempts to apply mascara without poking his eyeball, or times he managed to burn himself with a curling iron, which he's never before had to use.

"Son of a bitch!" he curses, loudly after he once again, accidentally touches the hot iron whilst unplugging it. "Why must beauty be so much pain!?"

Sticking his injured finger in his mouth, he hears a rap on the bathroom door.

"Pheebs, you ok, hon? You've been cursing an awful lot in there! You sure you don't need any help?" his roommate inquires.

"No, I just uh…I'll be right out." He answers.

"Ok, Good, because Joey's here."

"Joey's already here.." he mutters, as he checks himself out in the mirror once more, fluffy Phoebe's hair with his fingers until he's satisfied with it. He decides that maybe one more coat of lipstick won't hurt, as he has no idea how much to apply, or how easily it'll wear off. With a sigh, he puts the tube of lipstick, along with other make up products in Phoebe's handbag.

"So this is why girls carry around these stupid things, huh?"

He does a 360 in front of the mirror to check out his outfit of choice, once more. Basically he dug through Phoebe's closet, until he found a dress to his liking, and slipped on one of the many pairs of black heels she owned, not knowing what the difference between them was, as much as he disliked the difficulty of walking in them. He knew sneakers were not an option.

"Damn, Pheebs…you look hot as lava." He says to his reflection. After he finishes with applying one more coat of lipstick, he blows himself a kiss in the mirror and walks out, eager to see Phoebe's reaction when she sees herself.

He's greeted in Phoebe's living room by an impressively handsome version of himself, which renders him speechless for a moment. Phoebe's done a great job cleaning his self up, considering her lack of experience. 'His' face is cleanly shaven, (even without any nicks) his hair neatly parted and gelled without a single one out of place, and he's wearing a 3 piece, navy blue pin stripe suit and tie, which is more sophisticated than anything he owns.

"Damn…I look good!" Joey pauses, again, to correct his mistake. "I uh…me...you, I meant _you_, of course." He picks up Phoebe's hand to inspect it. "Did you get a manicure? Wow…you've never looked better, Joe. Don't you think, Rach?" he turns to his female friend, who nods in agreement.

"Looking good, Joe. Very nice."

"Thanks." Phoebe says. "You look great, by the way. Ooh, where'd you get that dress, it's so cute!"

"Uh…Macy's." Rachel answers, once again, a little thrown off by 'Joey's' unusual feminine behavior.

"Shut up! It totally looks designer! Nice find." Before Joey can express his disapproval of the way Phoebe's coming off, in his body, she turns to address him. "And Pheebs, you look….." he waits as she looks him up and down, expecting a compliment. Instead, he see's a horrified expression on his own face. "..Like a _whore_! Oh my God!"

Rachel reaches over and smacks her on the arm. "_Joey_!"

"Well, she does! Phoebe, you are NOT going out in public dressed like that!"

"What's wrong with the way I'm dressed? I think I look hot!" Joey utters in confusion, extending his arms from his body and looking down at his outfit of choice.

"You do not look…oh my God. Rachel, you're the fashion expert, _back me up here!_" she demands, sounding very much like herself when Phoebe gets angry.

To Joey's surprise, Rachel makes an indifferent expression while checking out his dress. She looks at him, hesitantly, as though not wanting to say something that would hurt his feelings.

"Hmmn…you know, to be honest I've always felt that Phoebe has a pretty interesting wardrobe.."

"Interesting!?" Phoebe thunders, immediately taking offense. "What's wrong with Phoebe's wardrobe!?"

"N-Nothing, Joey…" Rachel sputters, intimidated by the sight of Phoebe's temper coming from Joey's body. "I think it's cute, and quirky. However! You know…if this is how she wants to dress, I don't see what the big deal is. I mean you're not her dad, Joey, and she's a grown woman!"

But Phoebe still shakes her head, adamantly. "Mm-mn. I don't think so."

Before Joey knows what's happening, Phoebe grabs his elbow, and is ushering him back towards her room. "You are not going to the party like that, unless you want guys stuffing dollar bills down your cleavage all night, and I will not allow that! 'Scuse us, Rachel. We'll be right back."

Once in the bedroom, Phoebe shuts the door behind her.

"Alright…take that ridiculous dress off, right now!"

Joey catches a glimpse of the dress in the mirror, wondering what about it makes her so upset. It was slim fitting, very short skirted, black pleather, with a rather revealing 'V' shape plunging down her cleavage. It also contained many silver buckles, and slits down the side in the mid-section to reveal even more skin.

"Why, Pheebs? I'm telling you! You look so sexy in this thing!" He looks admirably at himself, standing before the mirror. "I mean, if I were capable of getting an erection right now.."

"Joey!" she snaps, between clenched teeth. "I only wear that dress when I'm handcuffing guys to lead pipes! It comes with a pair of leather gloves, and a riding crop!"

"Oh.." Joey muses. "Look, I just found it in the closet, I had no id- you actually do that to guys?" He smirks with amusement, as all sorts of pleasant mental images involving Phoebe with leather gloves and riding crops fill his mind.

"Which is why you are absolutely not going to a premiere party in it!" she informs him, snapping him from his day dream. "It's not Halloween!"

She irritably digs through her closet, tossing around the remaining clothing items that aren't already on the floor from Joey's previous search. She finally selects a much more modest, slim black dress.

"I guess this will do..put it on. And for the love of god, take some of that make-up off. Or else you're not coming!"

Joey scowls at her in disbelief. "But it's my party! I was the one in the movie!"

"Technically, yes. But _I'm _Joey Tribbiani tonight, remember? You're just my 'second choice' date."

She glares, obviously, still a little peeved over him originally excluding her from tonight's plans, and leaves the room to let Joey get changed.

…

"Oh. My. God!" Rachel exclaims, trying to contain her excitement, with much difficulty, as the three friends stand together. The very concept of mingling amongst famous people, after the screening of the Joey's movie is too much for her to bear. Her head darts in all directions, at the camera's flashing at the people sashaying around them, in designer clothes, and thousand dollar jewelry.

"Wow, these people must be really rich." Phoebe mutters. "I've never felt so out of place in my life."

Rachel's brow furrows as she looks at her. "What're you talking about, Joe? You were in the movie!"

"Yeah!" the real Joey pipes up, beside her. "And did you notice how they didn't cut out all of your scene this time!? You must have had 6..7 seconds screen time! They cut out most of the lines, but eh…I'll take it. It got us in here, after all, didn't it?"

Rachel suddenly grips Phoebe's arm tightly in sheer excitement. "Oh my God! Oh my God! Joey! Joey, it's him! It's Bruce Willis! Bruce Willis is coming towards us! Can we talk to him? Please! Please, pleeeaaase!?"

Her friend begs, on bouncing heels. Phoebe responds with a shrug. "Sure, knock yourself out."

"No, no, no, I can't do it! You must know him, I mean, you worked with him! Say something to him, at least, so I don't look like such a crazy person!"

"Uh…" Phoebe scrambles to think of how to respond, unsure of whether or not it's true that Joey know him. She raises her arm and waves as the public figure comes closer, followed by many photographers. "Hey, Bruce!"

Rachel's mouth plunges, as she exhales so hard, she nearly faints. "He looked at you! He nodded, did you see that!? Bruce Willis nodded to you! He knows you! Bruce!? Bruce, wait! I'm his gal pal, Rachel Green!" unable to contain herself any longer, the sandy-blonde runs in the direction of Bruce Willis and his followers. Phoebe lets out a sigh of relief knowing that she can momentarily let her guard down until Rachel returns.

"God, I am starving!" Joey whines, next to her. "Don't they have food at this place?"

"Didn't you hear? Famous people don't eat." Phoebe tells him.

"Hey, I don't care how famous I get, Pheebs. If Joey Tribbiani wants cake, he's gonna eat cake! I thought I saw some around here somewhere.."

She notices Joey become distracted shortly afterwards, not by food, but by an attractive female photographer. The woman pauses from taking a photo to notice the way he's looking her up and down. To Phoebe's embarrassment, Joey acts very typically, as though forgetting he's not in his own body, and treats the woman to a smile and nod. "How _you_ doin?"

Phoebe reaches over and smacks him on the shoulder. "Stop that!"

"Stop what?" he innocently asks.

"Checking out girls asses, with _my_ eyes!" Phoebe angrily responds.

"I'm sorry, Pheebs. It's just this is probably the longest I've gone without sex. And you know, having lady parts doesn't mean I'm attracted to men. If I play my cards right, I might still get some action. Besides, I thought you'd be into that kinda thing."

Phoebe scoffs. "I am in a relationship!"

"Awh, come on, Pheebs." Joey pleads. "Aiden's a guy, he'll understand. Trust me."

"Joey, no. I'm not a lesbian! I mean…there was a couple times I kinda played in the minor leagues, but, I don't see myself going pro anytime soon, if you know what I mean."

Joey rolls his eyes, like stubborn teenager, before something else catches his eye. Phoebe turns around to see what he's looking at. Some actress she recognizes from his movie.

"It's Alyssa Taylor! I did a scene with her, but they cut it. God, she is such a bomb-shell."

"You think?" Phoebe questions, undecidedly. She notices the woman looking straight at her, with recognition. She waves, and ducks away from the cameras.

"Oh, she's coming over. Pheebs…you gotta talk to her! I flirted with her so much on the set, that it looks like it's finally paying off!" She feels his hand on her shoulder as Alyssa Taylor nears them, flashing Phoebe a 'Hollywood' smile. "Be smooth. Make me look good, alright?"

Phoebe resists the urge to roll her eyes at his ridiculous request.

"Hi!" Alyssa greets. "Joey, right? We had a scene together."

"Uh-huh, I remember." Phoebe says, trying to stay confident. She glances at Joey, who's watching her carefully. "Oh. This is Phoebe, she's my da-"

Before she finishes her sentence, Joey interrupts, shaking Alyssa's hand. "Uh..sister. I'm his sister. Twin sister, actually. Yeah, we do everything together. That's why it's not at all weird that Joey brought me here tonight, because he's on the market. And have you heard about how good he is in bed, by the way?"

Phoebe laughs nervously. "Yeah..that's not weird at all.." she mutters. "Sorry about that. My sister's a little...uhm..drunk. Speaking of which, can I get you a drink?"

"Oh, sure, that would be great." Alyssa agrees, smiling up at her.

Wanting to make a good impression for Joey, Phoebe decides to keep up the act. She grabs two glasses of champagne off of the tray of a passing server and hands one to the actress. Joey steps away, giving the two of them some distance, flashing her a look as if to say 'keep up the good work'.

She feels Alyssa's hand brush against her arm. "This is a very nice suit you're wearing. You could almost pass off as one of the stars. I'm surprised no one's come over to bother you with cameras."

Phoebe nods. "Ah, yes. That must be a little overwhelming."

"Like you wouldn't believe." She informs him. Phoebe mentally congratulates herself for giving an appropriate response. The actress touches her on the shoulder. Phoebe takes it as a sign that she's doing well. Joey was right, she does seem to like him.

"Listen, Joey, I had a really great time working with you. You did such a great job in the movie." She says.

'Yeah, she definitely likes him.' Phoebe thinks, noting the way she bites her lip, and moves inconspicuously closer to her before glancing up into 'her' eyes. Body language easy to read, as a woman who'd pulled the exact move in the past, while talking to guys she found attractive. She reminds herself to focus.

"Thanks. So did you."

"I was thinking.." Alyssa moves her mouth closer to Phoebe's ear than to her liking, as her boldness is beginning to make her somewhat uncomfortable. She tries to shift a few inches apart from her. "That maybe the two of us could go somewhere where there's not so many people around. If you want to."

Phoebe starts to panic. She was expecting she'd be able to get Joey a date with her, but she wasn't anticipating it being tonight.

"Uh…" she begins, trying to form an excuse in her mind. "You know, I can't."

Alyssa's lips form a pout. "Oh..how come?"

"Well…you know, to be honest, I'm kind of seeing someone." Phoebe replies. "Yeah, uhm…it's kind of a new-ish relationship, but I really think that the spark is there. I mean he's a really nice guy. So good-looking, and great in the sack, if I do say so myself.. I really like him a lot so, I don't wanna do anything to, y'know, screw it up, so.."

She watches Alyssa's flirty exterior disappear. "O-oh my God. I'm…really sorry. I had no idea you were…I-I'm sorry. Uhm..I have to go. See you around."

To Phoebe's satisfaction, the embarrassed actress hurries away from her. She smirks, pleased with herself, until she turns around and spots Joey, hands on his hips, watching from a few feet away. He storms towards her.

"Pheebs, what the hell was that!? Are you out of your mind!?"

"No, I just wanted to be honest with her, that's all!"

"Oh..I see, I'm not allowed to be a lesbian, but you're allowed to make _me _look like a gay version of Elton John!"

"Joey…Elton John's gay." She informs him.

She watches him scrunch 'her' face in confusion. "What? No he's not! Look..it doesn't matter! You can't go around saying things like that in a place like this! What if one of these paparazzi people heard you! That's the last thing I need in to see in the tabloids."

"Hey, a little media coverage would be good for your image. It would get you noticed!" Phoebe points out.

"Not if it means I'd never get to sleep with actresses again!" Joey retorts.

Phoebe contemplates a moment, and shrugs. "Well, no. Ooh! But I'd bet there would be a lot of act_ors _who would wanna sleep with you!"

"Urrgh!" Joey groans, irritably and places his hands on his temples in exasperation.

"Joey, look, I'm sorry. It's just…I think you deserve better than a girl like that. I mean, actress or not, she was a total tramp!"

"You say that like it's a bad thing!" he retorts. He takes a calming breath, but quickly becomes even more agitated by the sound of Phoebe's text tone, inside her hand bag. He thrusts the whole bag at her.

"Would you answer it, for God sakes? This is like the millionth text your stupid boyfriend has sent me tonight!"

Forgetting about the Alyssa Taylor incident, Phoebe eagerly digs into her purse for her phone. She nearly squeals with excitement when she reads the text. She looks up at Joey.

"Aiden's coming home early! He's flying in tonight!" This seemed like great news to her. She could hardly wait to see her love interest again after several days, too long.

"What!?" Joey asks, in a snapping tone which makes her reconsider her excitement. Her face drops.

"Oh my God…Aiden's coming home early." She repeats, more worriedly. "He's..he's going to be here! He's going to wanna see me! Ohh, no…"


End file.
